Christian, but not Christ-like

I have opted to stay away from religion when blogging, simply because it's such a controversial topic. However, that thought process lead me to wonder...why, exactly is it so controversial? I believe that the reason comes down to one word; Denominations.

Of course, there are many religions with their varying denominations, but I think I will tackle Christianity because I know the most about it, I am a Christian, and, because I hear the most complaints about Christianity. Most non-Christians can give a mile long list as to why they do not attend church or partake in religious beliefs. From my personal experience, I can tell you that the most popular reason people give for their non-belief in Christ or not attending church is, "too many hypocritical people attend church and call themselves Christians."

Is their perception of us, as a body of Christians, correct?
Let's dissect Christianity a bit, starting with a bit of biblical history; Christianity started in early B.C, when religious prophets, or, to be exact, rebellious Jewish slaves who were hoping for better days, predicted that there would be a coming of a Savior to Earth. When Jesus finally did arrive and grew into a man, He declared himself the Savior, fulfilling their prophecy. The world slowly learned what Jesus, the son of God, truly stood for. I'm not sure He was what they expected, I know He wasn't, in fact. They expected a king, someone who would eventually rule from the throne. No, instead they got a guy who lived the life of a peasant, who travelled from town to town doing what He did best, and that was speaking about God and loving people. He taught his early followers to simply love God and to love everyone. End somewhat vague, but true history lesson.

So, do most Christians spend their days, doing as Christ did, and simply loving God and loving His people? Keep in mind, there were really no denominations back then, and of course, there were no "Christians". There were Jews, there were Romans. Yes, there were some people who became followers of Christ, but those followers didn't have a bible or a church, or a church family, they simply loved God, believed in Christ as their savior and loved everyone.

How has Christianity changed? We've added denominations, built churches, developed a tithing system, elected preachers or priests and deacons, established personalized bibles based on denominational beliefs, developed a set of rules and doctrines depending on the denominational beliefs, chosen or even started up charities to donate money towards other charities which do everything from mission work to feeding the impoverished to building to new churches.

Mostly good things, really. Christianity has grown, and that was Jesus' goal. But, in all that we have done, have we individually maintained the core beliefs of Christ? Or have we used our denominational differences to build a wall of safety around us?

Love God, believe in Christ our Savior and love everyone.

It's easy to love God, believe in Christ, attend church, pray, give to charities, to love your children and to love and congregate with denominationally like-minded people. As a Christian, though, do you truly love EVERYONE? Have you lost one of the main teachings of Christ? Keep in mind, as I said, He didn't sit on a throne, He very literally traveled around speaking to people, loving them through His words and His actions.

Do you love that grumpy old guy at work? What about the cashier at your local grocery store who is always so slow to ring your groceries? Do you love your neighbor who belongs to a different church? Do you love your daughter's friend  who doesn't belong to any church at all? If you said no to any of the above? You're doing it wrong.

What does Christ-like love look like? Is it saying "hi" to someone you pass by as you are bustling along during your busy day? Is it doing your best to smile as you have a pained, light conversation with someone outside of your denomination? Is it throwing a few coins into the hands of a homeless person? No. Nope, I don't think so.

Our churches are absolutely filled with hypocrites, non-believers are correct in their assessment of us. Far too many of us are staying within our comfort zones and loving the people who we choose to love, often shunning others, because loving like-minded people is easier than the latter. We may throw a few hundred dollars towards a charity, but then spend $15,000 on a couple of family trips to Hawaii. We may announce  that we are Christians, but then in the same breath, make a derogatory remark about our ex-spouse. It's wrong, and nearly every Christian is guilty of it.

So, what can you do, as one Christian, to make a positive change? First, accept that you are imperfect, but don't accept that you can  act like a jerk and then use the whole, "I'm not perfect" scapegoat. How do you go from acting like a Christian to acting Christ-like? Easy. This world, our society, desperately needs more love, more kindness, more compassion. Jesus loved people through His actions and His words, as I said, that is Christ-like love, and ANYbody can do it.

The grumpy old guy at work? He may have suffered a tragic family loss that he cannot get over. Talk to him, show him kindness and love.

The cashier who is slow to ring your groceries? She may be suffering from arthritis and cannot afford the medication to ease her symptoms. Invite her out for coffee sometime and get to know her and her needs, offer your advice and assistance.

That neighbor from another church? He would probably love to come over for a BBQ.

Your daughter's friend who doesn't attend church? She may have never had anyone offer to share the word of Christ or take her to church, do that!

If you are a Christian or have any part of you that believes in a higher power, or that Jesus even existed, please, let the change start with you. Spend some time dissecting your own life, faith  and how you treat others, especially those outside your denomination. Think about how you spend your wealth, are you truly giving enough to the needy? Jesus proved that one person truly can change the world. You can do it!

Carlton Complex Fire Rages in Eastern Washington

-July 18, 2014, 9:31am- Eastern Washington is like hell on Earth, right now. The Carlton Complex fire, which was initially four separate wildfires, is raging through the Pateros-Twisp area. The fires started from lightning strikes during a recent storm.

Overnight, the fire burned through much of the city of Pateros, it's reported that the post office, water tower, a school, the hardware store and approximately 35 homes were destroyed.  The fires hit Pateros yesterday, July 17th in the evening. So far, there have not been any fatalities reported. Winds fueled the fire, with gusts reaching 25-35mph. The winds have died down, but are due to pick back up this afternoon. Evacuations were underway yesterday evening and throughout the night. With highway 97 closed, tankers were unable to bring gas in to refuel gas stations. Many stations are completely out of gas, people are waiting on fuel tankers so they can evacuate the area.

In the outskirts of Pateros, many families were forced to evacuate, some didn't even have time to gather their pets or farm animals, or any personal belongings.

Recent updates on the news report that the Pateros city fire has reached the river and has stopped. The bad news is, the fire is now heading towards the city of Twisp. Evacuations are still underway.

Many families who were displaced by the fire are sheltered at the Chelan High School in Chelan and the Cornerstone Christian Fellowship Church in Omak where Red Cross is organizing meals and sleeping arrangements.

Firefighters have been called in from all over, including those from neighboring states. Many people are saying that this is the worst fire they have ever witnessed. An eye witness stated that the fire coming down the hill into Pateros was like a "waterfall of fire".

Prayers are certainly needed, but if you would like to help with relief, the Red Cross is in need of monetary donations. Here is a link to the Apple Valley Red Cross facebook page where you can get updates on how you can help. Please continue to pray for the safety of the firefighters and for those who have lost their homes in the fire. Please help by donation if you're able, any amount will serve the needs of these disaster stricken families. #cartloncomplex

https://www.facebook.com/AppleValleyRedCross?fref=nf

Ten signs that you may not be over your ex

I have been doing a case study, observing obsessive exes for the past 8 years, and it has come to my attention that some women are flat crazy, like, certifiable, undiagnosed, belong-in-an asylum, crazy. Do you have an obsession with an ex? Here are some sure signs that you need to move on and get over him;

1.       You use any excuse known to man to text your ex. Whether it’s a quick note to tell him that your mutual child has a runny nose, or to update your ex on local weather/traffic conditions. Let me just speak for your ex when I say, “no thank you”. Unless your mutual child has some life threatening condition, has an important event that your ex may want to attend, or is going to meet the President of the United States? Do not text your him. Seriously, text him regarding events, major illnesses or pickup/drop off info, period!  Your texts outside of those specs are not welcomed or appropriate, especially if your ex has a girlfriend/spouse. It is NEVER okay to send texts that come across as flirtatious or excessive, because then you’ll be angering not one, but likely, two people, and you will likely see some sort of retribution, including anti-harassment orders. Don’t start a cycle of angry texts, act like a mature adult instead of a jealous 15 year old girl, just keep it to necessary texts and everyone will be happy.

2.       You get jealous when your ex does something fun or buys something new. I can speak for myself and many exes who HAVE moved on; Jealousy is not an issue when you are happy and have moved on with your own life. I am typically elated at my ex-husband’s new purchases, celebrations and travels. Got a new car? Awesome! Went to Vegas? I bet it was fun, good for you! If the guy pays his child support on time and is good to your mutual children, then anything beyond that which makes him happy should, in turn, make you happy for him! Your time should be spent enjoying your own life, purchases and personal triumphs. If not, then you need to refocus your life.

3.       You hate your ex’s new girlfriend or spouse. Okay, I get it; some “replacement” girlfriends/spouses are royal witches. But, honestly, most “replacements” simply want to love their new man and their step-children and enjoy their life. They did not specifically seek out your ex as a way to make you miserable. I have found that if you are polite and respectful to your ex and his girlfriend/spouse, then you will get treated politely and respectfully in return.  It’s simple math, people, you get what you give. I chuckle at a popular term that gets thrown around, “home wrecker”. Just for clarification purposes? A “home wrecker” typically is nothing more than the first woman your ex happened to go after when he left you. If this “home wrecker” and your ex are in a long term relationship, for at least 5-6 years or more, maybe they’re married, have a few children, then she cannot be classified as a "home wrecker", as she is clearly not actively wrecking homes/marriages. The proper term for her would be, “my ex-husband’s new girlfriend/spouse”. It’s a little less catchy, but at least you’re being honest with yourself and those around you.

If you, however, are still obsessing over and stalking your ex, then that makes YOU a prospective "home wrecker". Yep, you heard me. Just DON'T go that route, trust me, it will only serve to cause you more problems and make you look like a lunatic to everyone around you. Accepting that your ex left you because he no longer loves you is difficult, but it’s an important step towards happiness. Even if your ex’s new spouse is built like a supermodel, has the smile of an orthodontist’s daughter and serves homeless people at the local soup kitchen during her spare time, you should be happy that he has found happiness, you should care less about what she looks like or what her attributes are, and worry more about yourself and your own attributes.

4.       You study your ex’s girlfriend/spouse and try to be, look, talk and/or act like them. Umm….let me just say again on behalf of your ex, “no thank you.” There is a good reason you two are not together any longer, and rest assured, it is not because you didn’t have super cute glasses, or wear a certain style of clothes, or look a certain way. Your ex and you didn’t work out, and that’s the only thing you need to understand.  You can lose weight, bleach/dye and perm your hair, adopt a new vernacular, but your ex could care less. In fact, changing yourself up for attention makes you look EXTREMELY pathetic. Do NOT study your ex’s new significant other, her uniqueness and qualities (which are more than likely the opposite of your qualities) are probably what drew your ex to her and that is not something you can mimic. Do NOT dress yourself up to the nines for pick ups and drop offs as your looks and clothing choices likely had nothing to do with his choice to divorce you...9 times out of 10 a guy leaves his wife because of her personality, or her nagging which is something that will never change, in his mind. Again, if he finds happiness in someone else, then you should be happy for him and strive to find that same happiness for yourself with a new man.

5.       You seek out a new boyfriend who looks, acts or is in the same line of work as your ex. This one is just creepy. No guy want to come face to face with his mirror image when it comes to his ex’s dating tastes. Seriously, you should not be actively looking for someone who is like your ex, remember, that your relationship didn’t work out for a reason, dating a new guy simply because he resembles your ex, in one way or another, probably won’t work out for you.  Look for a guy who is good to you, who has a decent job and similar interests as you do. You should be attempting to build a relationship with a new person for their unique qualities, not because they are a cheap facsimile of your ex.

6.       You stalk your ex and his new girlfriend/spouse on social media networks. First off, most exes cannot handle being on each other’s social media sites; seeing anything that might make them jealous or hopeful that their ex's current relationship isn’t working out, just isn’t healthy. I am an exeception to that rule, and there are more out there like me. What’s even less healthy is regularly stalking your ex and his new woman online seeking that  glimmer of hope that he may leave her and come back to you. It is not a healthy hobby for you, just knock it off. If you cried when you found out that he became engaged or remarried, you are still obsessed with your ex. The chances of him leaving his new wife for you are 1 in 1,999,999,999. So what if they got married, took a trip, bought a new home or celebrated an anniversary, it’s no longer any of your business what your ex does with his time. Stalking only leads to more jealousy and obsessiveness; it will keep you from moving on to find happiness with YOUR new life and/or new man. Just don’t do online stalking, have some self-respect, take up a healthy hobby.

7.       You still haven’t moved on to a new long term relationship. If you have been separated from your ex for more than two years, it is time for you to find someone new to share your life with. If you find fault in every guy you date, whether it’s the fact that he likes to have a few beers with friends after work a few times a week, or he doesn’t buy you the gifts you think you deserve and send you flowers at work every day, you not moving on is the surest sign that you are still in love with your ex. A happy divorcee will find someone new, they will develop a long lasting relationship and happiness will ensue…unless you are THAT obsessive, pitiful ex who believes that your ex and you still have a chance. No, No, and NO. Move on, seriously, stop living in a dream world.

8.       You take your ex to court and/or involve law enforcement anytime an opportunity arises. Ladies, this will NOT make your ex want to come back to you, not in any case, but it will make him hate your very existence for all of eternity.  If you spend years in and out of court with your ex for everything from him being 20 minutes late for a drop off, to you finding out that he received a $1.00/hour raise and you want more child support, then you are screaming, “I am still in love with my ex and if I can't have him, then I want him to be as miserable as I am!!” My attorney said something that stuck with me, “Hate is the poison pill you take, hoping someone else dies.” Going to court is miserable and expensive; the only ones who win are the attorneys. I have seen court drama consume the entire existence of some women who “swallowed that poison pill”. In the end, the ex continues on with his happy life and new spouse and you are still just as unhappy as you were in the first place, except now you’ve wasted some of the very best years of your life in court instead of finding your own happiness. This is a no-brainer; do NOT swallow the poison pill.

9.       You reach out and attempt to befriend and/or turn you ex’s family and friends against him. Again, this is an extremely pitiful move on your behalf. Blood is thicker than water, and the only thing you’ll accomplish from trying to befriend and/or turn people against your ex is that everyone will see exactly why he left you in the first place. People aren’t stupid; most of society can objectively look at another person’s marriage and see why they divorced. Often times, it is the parents/family/friends of your ex that initially noticed that your and his marriage was not going to work out. His family and friends will stick by him, no matter how he “wronged”  you, so do yourself a favor, save your breath, you won’t be converting anyone to your side anytime soon.

10.   You spend your time and energy attempting to make your mutual children dislike your ex and/or his new girlfriend/spouse. I cannot say this clearly or plainly enough; it is absolutely NOT okay to involve your children with your obsession with your ex. He did not “divorce or abandon his children”, he divorced YOU. You need to understand that your mutual children are half of  you and half of him, so when you bash him or his choice in a new girlfriend/spouse, you are BASHING HALF OF YOUR CHILD. Bad mouthing your ex and his new girlfriend/spouse is the worst thing you can do to a child’s self-esteem. They, naturally, only want to love and be loved. It is not their fault, in any way, that the two of you divorced. Their desire to be loved by both parents, all parents including step-parents, is something that should be greatly encouraged for their well-being. You simply must love your children enough to swallow some humble pie and speak only kind words to them about their father and step-mother, otherwise, you will pass on your anger to them, then they will grow up with that awful seed of hatred in them. You must love your child more than you hate your ex. My children were lucky enough have me as a parent through my divorce, I never badmouthed their dad. I have made a point to stay simpatico with their father, and because of that, I have two healthy, happy, well-balanced children who will grow up knowing that I loved them enough to give them the encouragement  to love their father, his new spouse, his family and their entire blended family, equally. Hate begets hate. Love begets love. You are the decider of your child's happiness, please choose wisely.

Well, that’s it! I hope that this has given you or someone you know (please share!) the slap in the face with a 2x4 that you needed to be able to wake up out of your dazed obsession  and move on with your life. Who knows, maybe your prince charming is just around the corner.  And, just remember, every minute you spend being angry or spiteful is 60 seconds that you could’ve spent being happy and a full minute of your life that you will never get back! This is not, I repeat, NOT a dress rehearsal!

Tips on How to Bond with Your Child Throughout the Year

I love the changing seasons and holidays.  I approach each new holiday and season with the zeal of a toddler experiencing snow for the first time. I have three children, and three step-children who are spread over eleven years, so I am constantly trying to ensure that each seasonal activity holds something fun for each age group. Here are some ideas on activities that will help you bond with your child/children throughout the year.

Spring:

- Search locally for a hiking trail you’ve never tried and go for it! Hunt for the first wildflowers in bloom.

-Paint/Dye Easter eggs, have an Easter egg hunt at home on Easter day.

-Attend a local egg hunt.

-For tweens and teens, have a night time Easter egg hunt verses a daytime hunt. I use plastic eggs with glow in the dark bracelets stuck inside, each egg has a few coins in it.

-Have a spring picnic, your children can help choose the lunch, and the location, as well as help prepare the lunch.

-Play in the rain.

-Color in a coloring book together.

-Volunteer with your local Arbor day group to plant trees and pick up litter. If you don’t have an Arbor day group, then get together with your local 4H or youth group to do the same.

-Plant a garden, let your child choose what they want to plant.

-Dress up for St. Patrick’s day, maybe even attend an area St. Pat’s day parade all dressed up.
-Fly a kite!

Summer:

-Go to the beach, often, as often as you can stand it! Swimming is excellent exercise and we can all use a bit more vitamin D. While there, build sand castles together.

-Go to an outdoor concert! Rock, country, pop, whatever you and your child enjoys. I do this at least once a year with my teen.

-Take a road trip, just for the fun of it. Go someplace fairly close for the day and back.

-Look online for area events and attend a new one each year. For us, this was a local hot air balloon festival, this year.

-Go for an evening walk and/or bicycle ride.

-Set up the tent in your back yard and have a campout.

-Make s’mores…you should do this at least once  a week!

-Draw with chalk on your sidewalk.

-Go camping for real! Anyplace, it can be close or far away.

-Before school starts, and when your school shopping is complete, go through old clothes and donate items that are too small to your local thrift store or to a family in need.

-Travel to someplace you’ve never been.

-Have a 4^th of July BBQ, wear patriotic clothes and make patriotic décor and food.

Fall:

-Head to a nearby pumpkin patch and corn maze. Pack a picnic and spend the day enjoying the fall weather with your children.

-Carve pumpkins;  be sure you carve your own, as well!

-Have a spa day, do makeup nails, toes, etc.

-Take a scenic drive up into the mountains where you can see the many changing colors of fall leaves against the evergreen trees and streams.

-While you’re looking for Halloween costume ideas, have a dress up day and take silly pictures!

-Have a dance/karaoke party at home.

-Go on a camera hike. Give each child the opportunity to take pictures from their perspective.

-Make a “thankful” tree using twigs and small note tags. Have each child decorate one side of the tag and then write what they’re thankful for on the other side, then hang it on the tree along with other fall décor.

-Out together fairly matching outfits and have a family photo shoot in the leaves.

Winter:

-Watch old movies together, choose some  favorites from your childhood, as well as other popular movies from various eras.

-Learn a new art or craft. The internet is full of free resources, you can learn how to crochet together, or how to draw with charcoal, practically anything you can think of.

-Go to the local roller skating rink and try not to kill yourself! Roller skating is like riding a bike, you’ll get the hang of it.

-Spend an afternoon at the local library exploring books.

-Go to a thrift store and have a scavenger hunt. Try to find the ugliest item.

-Go sledding, drive to the mountains if needed.

-See a play…better yet, be IN a community play.

-Bake cookies and other various sweets.
-Build a snowman together.

-Go Christmas shopping and select a few items to donate to needy children, there is almost always a “wish” tree in department stores.

-Have a Bible study together. Take turns reading verses and working your way through a chapter.

-Write a wish list letter to Santa.

-Make cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, then read “Twa the Night Before Christmas” before bed.

-Visit Santa, locally, and encourage your children, even your teen, to tell him what they want for Christmas and get a picture taken with him as a family.

-Scrapbook the year’s  worth of memories together. Look at old scrapbooks, too!

-Go ice skating.

There is plenty of fun and bonding time to be had all year round. Children are only little once, better make the best of it!

How to Have That Tough Sex Talk with Your Teen

Having a talk with your pre-teen or teenage son about sex is probably not at the top of your priority list, right? Well, let me pose a few questions to you, as a parent; How would you feel about your child becoming a parent at the age of 15? Are you ready to be a grandparent and help pay child support? Likewise, how do you think it would affect your life if your child contracted HIV or some other venereal disease? Need I go on? I didn’t think so. Keep reading.

When I was 13, my dad had “the sex talk” with me. It worked; in fact it worked very well, a little too well. I held on tightly to my virginity through high school, which says a lot considering that many of my friends were partaking in that fun thing called sex. This involved a few angles and techniques which I have now put to use with my own children, also adding a few of my own ideas. Here is my advice, take it or leave it, on how to have that ultra-important talk with your male offspring.

“The talk” should be done, initially between mom and son no later than the age of 12, the sooner the discussion starts, the better. I like to have my deep discussions in the car, when it’s just one of my children and me. I refer to this as a 'captive audience', because they cannot escape from you. Anyways, I feel like hearing the thoughts from a female perspective is the most helpful for a boy. Ideally, your son has his father, step-dad, grandfather, uncle, etc., who will also have a different version of the talk with them, as a follow up. Anyways, as a mother, I take my son’s sex life very seriously. I cannot imagine him getting a young girl pregnant, and then having to deal with this young female and her family for the rest of his and my life. I explained to my son that when you help conceive a child with a female, that you really don’t have many rights to that child, the mother will likely get custody, you may get weekend visits. At this age, your child is not ready for a committed relationship, explain this to him. Explain that sticking a teenage girl with an infant could be devastating to her life, as well. When it comes to teen pregnancy, there will be arguing, probably many court appearances, there will be a child support payment which you and/or your son will need to cough up on a monthly basis, there could be unpleasantness for a very, very long time. Sure, babies are a blessing, they’re adorable, but teenage years are not the time to be rearing a child, relay this to your son.

I like to point out examples of “crazy exes” to my son, telling him that he could get saddled with a “baby-mama” who will, quite literally, steal the joy from his life for much of his existence. I am not trying to sound harsh, but I know from personal experience, that some women are crazy, and many of them hide their crazy really, REALLY well. Teenagers are simply not equipped to choose a mate. Period. Having a child at this age would be life-changing for your son and this partner. It is simply not the path that your child wants to be on.

After you’ve explained the idea of “crazy females”, then it’s time to go into sexually transmitted diseases. You will need some photographic references for this, lots of them. Prepare a slide show, or just sit side by side with your son on your laptop and type in terms on google or yahoo search, including, but not limited to: Gonorrhea, HIV, Herpes, Syphilis, etc. Find the goriest pictures available online. I realize that this isn’t in any way enjoyable for either of you, but that’s the whole point. Make him uncomfortable with the pictures and facts surrounding STDs; it’s certainly better than being uncomfortable at the doctor’s office with an STD later down the road.

This discussion should lead into the talk about the act of sex, itself. My theory is abstinence is best! I told my son, outright, that he could touch himself all he wanted. Yea, I know, it sounds gross, but let’s be practical; sex is a part of life. You don’t have to use terms like “masturbation”, you simply need to get across to your son that the only safe sex is with himself, and I have said this to my son no less than once every 2-3 months. The male variety of our species tends to be a bit hornier than the females. On average, teenage boy will think about sex no less than once every minute, often more. Surprised? It’s important that you respect your son’s privacy, do NOT go barging into his room, unless you want to be scarred for life. It’s also very important that you do not tease him about being as horny as a jack-rabbit in the spring time, or the whole idea of him masturbating. Be the adult! My dad’s theory that changed my life forever, was, “If you have sex, you will either get pregnant, OR get a sexually transmitted disease, OR both.” There was no room for safe sex with another human being, in my mind, there were only those three options. It is very important that your child understands that pregnancy and STDs can happen, even with the use of birth control. No sex is with another human is truly safe sex.

The fallback, you must assume that your child will have sex earlier than you’d like. This means that you’ll need to accept that your child is imperfect and will not always heed your advice, which is difficult for some of us. Regardless, you must discuss the use of condoms; this is the only path for protection from both STDs and pregnancy. While it is the safest form of birth control, it is not 100% risk free. Explain that there have been many children born from parents who thought a condom would protect them from pregnancy. The birth control patch, pill, etc. do not protect you from STDs. Your son, as a teen, cannot make the call as to whether his girlfriend or prospective sex partner is clean, trust me on this. I grew up in a town with a population of less than 500, and I attended school with a girl who was HIV positive, no one knew about her STD until after high school. I also had two friends who had gotten pregnant before the age of 15. Share your own life experiences with friends and STDs and pregnancy, or even make something up. Even if you don’t think you knew someone with herpes, you probably DID know someone with it, and just didn’t realize it.

Don’t stop talking about sex with your kids. Find ways to integrate it into your life with your teen. I even talked to my son’s girlfriend, briefly, about sex. If you don’t keep that conversation open, and keep that little bit of fear alive in them, then you are doing a disservice to your son and any prospective partner. Good luck!

13 Steps to Look Younger and Live a Healthier Life

_{In January of 2013, one of my resolutions was to start living a healthier lifestyle. I am nearly 40 years old, and with a great grandfather who died at age 42 from a heart attack, I realized that dying from a major heart attack at a young age is not simpatico with my retirement and general life plans. I started small and made changes, a little at a time. I am so happy with how I feel these days, I wish I would've started this years ago! Start living a healthier life today by making some small changes in your life, too. These are my 13 favorite habits:}

_{1. Drink a big glass of water every morning. Doing this clears your digestive system and stimulates your metabolism. Continue drinking water, all day, just keep a water bottle handy and refill as needed. My goal is to drink one 16 oz. bottle of water before my lunch break, one during lunch, and one after. I also drink a big glass of water with my dinner. Come on, slurp it down! Easy, right? If you choose to drink something else, occasionally, i.e., a soda, or a cup of tea/coffee or a glass of beer/wine, then simply drink it along with your water. I do treat myself to non-water drinks every so often, but I never reduce my water intake. I call this "double-fisting". Be warned, you should research the effects of soda pop and what it does to your body, because I did, and now I choose not to drink the stuff aside from 1-2 times per month. If I can live without it, so can you.}

_{2. Eat a variety of fruits and veggies every day! I eat carrots every day; I love the taste of them, the texture and how they react in my digestive system. I purchase peeled mini carrots in a 2lb bag, this lasts me for about one week depending on how much my children share them with me. I have found that carrots are a great thing to get my metabolism going, high in fiber! I typically eat them with my breakfast, with a snack, and with my lunch. If you don't like carrots, then find the right fat-free snack that works for you. No, potato chips do not count as a vegetable! Put down the bag and back away slowly! What is your favorite fruit or vegetable? I work in 2-4 other fruits or vegetables in each day, trying to hit all the "colors" of fruits and vegetables each week. Stimulating your metabolism means that you will hold less toxins in your system. If you aren't having a bowel movement 2-3 times a day, you aren't "going" enough, at least not in my opinion.}

_{3. Use natural oils. I am in love with almond oil, castor oil and olive oil. I purchase them from the local health food store, or online.  I use two drops of almond oil to massage around my eyes to help fight crow's feet. Massage around eyes for about 2 minutes simultaneously (one finger per eye). Repeat every evening before bed, be sure not to get it IN your eyes as it can be irritating...not, like, run around screaming in a circle type of irritating, just cursing yourself type of irritating. It is seriously better than any eye cream I have ever tried.}

_{For my body, I purchase a very inexpensive paraben-free body lotion with a light scent. I chose one with cocoa butter; I add almond oil to the lotion in my palm (50/50) and coat my legs, butt, arms, feet, stomach, etc. Castor oil is non-comedogenic, so I use it as a moisturizer on my face and neck when my skin is very dry, avoiding the t-zone, as it seems to get oily throughout the day.}

_{For my hair, once a week, on my day off, I use a combination of castor, olive and almond oil to massage my scalp and hair. I coat my entire head of hair in it, then leave it in for about an hour, wash out and enjoy thoroughly healthy, moisturized hair all week! My aunt tells me that I have, "movie star hair". This is why she is my favorite aunt. Research other oils and their uses and find some that work for you; there is a wealth of natural cures for a variety of ailments out there using natural oils.}

_{4. Dry and wet brush your face and body. Rubbing your cellulite encourages is to go away, be mean to it! Hate that cellulite!! Ever been to a fancy spa? Well, I haven't, but I have seen this treatment used in spas on TV, so there must be something to it. Purchase yourself boar's hair body brushes in all sizes. I use a small brush for my face, dry, just 1-2 times per week before I wash up for the night. I use a larger one with a handle that I can slip my hand in for the rest of my body. I rub myself down 1-3 times per week, sometimes I add almond oil, other times I just use it dry. If using the dry method, do it right before your shower, if using almond oil, and then do it right after your shower. I found a brush set on amazon.com for around $12, it will last quite a while, just be sure to wash them with hand soap once a week.}

_{5. Keep your environment as chemical and scent-free as possible. I use to suffer from occasional headaches, sinus infections, nose bleeds, dizzy spells and more. Not anymore! My word, what in the hell do they use to make chemicals smell like oranges? Or vanilla? Have you ever read the ingredients list on the back of air fresheners, household cleaners or scented detergents? Do it. Look up those ingredients online using a search engine to learn about them and the effects they can have on your health. Throw the chemical name in with words to refine your results, for example, "unhealthy formaldehyde toxin". And then, read on. Anything that claims to be scented, is made with a chemical scent, it is something which was created in a lab to fool your brain into thinking you that are smelling something pretty. Many scented products contain petroleum, yes, the same thing you put in your car. What's that you're wearing? O' de Gasoline? Lovely! I clean with only natural, low-scent cleaners which can be found at just about any retail store, I use scent free detergent/softener, I do not burn heavily scented candles, and I do not use air fresheners of any kind. Many of the toxins/ingredients used in products which are labeled "safe" have been found to be major causes for lung and other various forms of cancer. I quit using antiperspirant after discovering that it was causing my breasts and lymph nodes to swell. I now use an all-natural deodorant called Jason's Tea Tree deodorant. No more swollen lymph nodes! Educate yourself on the matter of chemicals and scents; education by researching online is free, and it can mean the difference between being sick or feeling great.}

_{6. Exercise throughout the day. You need to exercise every day, throughout the day. I walk often, I don't enjoy sitting and doing nothing all day. During warmer months, I go on bike rides with my family. I have found some excellent moderate exercises to tone my legs and stomach which only takes about 15 minutes once or twice a day. If you want to feel better, look better, and live longer, then exercise! Do your own research; find what exercise works for you, and then do it regularly.}

_{7. Do not treat food as anything other than fuel. From day to day, my diet varies between meals and snacks which are healthy, to some which are less than healthy. I sort of love chili dogs, okay? Don't judge me. I try to look at food as fuel, something which my body needs to get me through the day, feeling good. I am allergic to dairy, so I avoid that like the plague. I try to avoid sugars and breads, I try to eat high protein, low fat meats, I eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible, I eat nuts and a variety of semi-healthy carbs like potatoes and noodles. I also eat things like birthday cake or ice cream every so often, I do treat myself. But, I am a firm believer that one should not LOVE food, do not spend your life cooking desserts or yearning for that ultimate yummy, high fat meal. If you enjoy cooking or baking, then simply buy yourself cookbooks that focus on low fat, low sugar, healthy meals.}

_{8. Drink green tea every morning. Green tea contains healthy antioxidants. It helps your body fight cancer and heart disease. Some like a morning coffee, others like black tea or herbals, but for me, green tea is the bomb!  Oh, and find one that you like, as not all green teas taste the same. I like mine with mint and a bit of honey.}

_{9. Be happy with you. One of my biggest assets is my ability to be happy. If I see something in my mirror which makes me unhappy, I change it to the best of my ability. Don't like your hair? Get a new hairdo! Don't like looking bland? Then buy and apply makeup. Over your happy weight? Lose it! It’s been proven for years that feeling good about yourself and being happy with your life will help you lead a longer, happier life. We all have stress, but do not allow it to consume you. We all make a choice every day to be happy, angry, upset or sad. I was once told that hatred is the poison pill you swallow, hoping the other person will die. If you don't like someone, avoid them, but do not spend your time fighting with them, finding ways to hurt them, etc., it simply is not healthy for you. Make the best of your life TODAY. Do not wait to be happy tomorrow, or when you have more money or a "better life". Living in the past and worrying about the future does nothing for you, neither one is infinite. Live and enjoy the moment, right now, because the only thing infinite is the present time. Think about it, it totally makes sense!}

_{10. Give to others. I give and do as much for others as I possibly can. I chose my line of work; I am a paraeducator, because I have an innate need to improve the world. I love my children and give them every opportunity to grow and learn as much as humanly possible. When I am not working, "wifing" or mothering, I also volunteer in other ways; Try out and participate in your local live theater, run for a public position like school board or city council, take a shift in your church nursery. Get off your fanny! When opportunities come up such as a tree planting day at the park, bring your family to help out, you get the idea. If you're able to give financially, find a good cause and donate what you can. NEVER STOP GIVING.}

_{11. Nurture a good relationship with your physician. I searched high and low and finally found an excellent physician. It did take me a few years, but I am sure happy that I went through the work to do it! I see my doctor anytime something goes haywire and once a year for a full physical and blood panel, regardless of how I feel. Do not ever put off going to your clinic if something isn't right, because sometimes when you procrastinate, you pay for it with your health. When you see your doctor, talk about what’s going on with your body, even if it’s something that’s only a bit strange. Keep a running list in your purse or wallet. Your doctor is there to help you, that is their job!}

_{12. Learn every day. I spend much of my spare time researching, reading, or listening to books (great for commuting!) and I also spend time asking questions. The world is full of interesting stuff, great imaginations and theories as well as a rich, diverse history. Everyone has interests, I have several…thousand…so on any given day I may be reading a book about life in ancient Egypt, or meditation, or the healthy eating, or maybe how to re-roof a house. I believe that learning keeps our minds agile, and is essential for a happy life.}

_{13. Laugh more. Did you know there are actually laughing clubs? They get together, simply, to laugh. I live in a rural area, no laughing clubs here, so I mostly laugh at my own antics and that of my friends and family. I love to laugh, though, and I try to laugh throughout my day. Even if I have to go hunting humor down on a social networking site, that works, too. Anything for a smile, laugh or chuckle. Laughter is the best medicine!}

_{I hope this advice finds you well, please try all 13 things from my list, or your own variations of them. Please share the advice with your friends and family. Every person can benefit from making these small changes.}

5 Tips on How to Grocery Shop for Clean Eating

Having a cleaner diet seems to be on the minds and list of goals for many modern families. I know that, for my family, this has meant a gradual change over the past year in how I do our grocery shopping.  I have read many books on the subject of nutrition, and would like to share the most important things I have learned about grocery shopping and eating a cleaner, healthier diet;

1.       When you go grocery shopping, avoid the middle part of the store, stick to the outer regions. I have noticed that pretty much every store is arranged the same way; the meat, produce and dairy are always on the outer walls. That is where you want to do the bulk of your shopping. Stock your cart with fresh vegetables, fruits, meat and low fat dairy products, you will find very few heavily processed foods in those sections, so you won’t be tempted to buy junk food.  When you're in the produce section, try to buy at least 2-3 different colors of produce each day. The more colors, the more broad of spectrum the vitamins and nutrients will be. Walk in with a list and a plan.  Avoid the junk food areas, out of sight, out of mind.

2.       Try to only buy items that have five or fewer ingredients. Have you ever read the ingredients labels on high-processed foods? Sakes! I can’t even pronounce most of the words! Manufacturers are constantly coming up with new ways to make food taste better and last longer, which typically means taking the real nutrients out of the food by bleaching/boiling/processing the whole food, and then they inject artificial vitamins, flavorings and nutrients, along with preservatives and then sell it you. That isn’t food! I call high-processed foods “food-like products”, because that’s exactly what they are. Honestly, those artificial vitamins and nutrients do not have the same effect on you as the ones found in whole foods, nature is very, very difficult to copy. And who knows whether or not your body can even absorb or properly process the other chemicals used for preservation. Look at chicken nuggets in comparison with real chicken. Nuggets are made from who knows what with a whole lot of added...who knows what in order to make them last for ten years in the freezer. Make homemade nuggets out of real chicken! Processed foods, in comparison with whole foods, are higher in fat, plus your body has a difficult time processing the added chemicals. If it has fewer than five ingredients, chances are, it's a whole lot better for you.

3.       Avoid soda pop, and stick to ONLY water and water based drinks. Soda is bad, don’t even go down the aisle. It’s the leading cause of obesity, and the diet stuff is the biggest culprit! Stop buying it and eventually they’ll stop making it. Your body needs water to process food properly, it is as necessary as oil is to a car. It keeps your system lubed and running. There is simply no substitute for water,  you should drink a full glass in the morning when you wake up, and one before every meal, and one before you go to bed, as well as a few glasses in between meals. A cup of tea or coffee here and there is fine. Much like fiber, water helps you poop, it keeps your system running clean, just drink more.

4.       Buy less meat. My family typically eats 4-6 ozs or less of meat with our dinner, and we try to eat vegetarian breakfasts and lunches. We eat no less than two vegetables/fruits and a starch with our dinner. Meat is tough to digest, more for some people than others. Eat a little meat along with a bunch of plant fiber, which will help the meat process through your body better. Meat does have important nutrients in it, but you could also switch to beans and legumes and get the same necessary nutrients. Just try to buy less and eat less meat.

5.       If a label is trying to convince you that it a product is low fat, low sugar or good for you, don’t buy it! This is something manufacturers have thrown into the mix in the past couple decades; trying to convince you that eating their processed food is actually good for you. The term, “high in fiber” always makes me laugh. The fiber in most processed foods isn’t a natural fiber, it’s a chemically produced one. If you want fiber, which you do, eat plant based foods. As far as other popular gimmicks, “low in fat” or “reduced calorie”, you need to think about what they are comparing that to. Is it low in fat compared to, oh…say, straight lard by the spoonful? Who knows. I can tell you without any uncertainty that many manufacturers use experimental fats and sugars in their processing.  If you were born in the 1970s, or earlier, you might remember Olestra. It was discovered by accident, added to processed foods as a fat alternative, and then eventually banned in many countries. You can read all about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olestra. Turns out that is was giving people the trots and it was interfering with vitamin absorption. Nice, huh? As far as “reduced calorie” goes, they usually take out the real sugar and add sugar substitutes, many of which have been proven to give rats cancer and/or have been banned in many countries. Don’t buy the hype!

Just a quick, helpful reminder…

FOOD: fresh fruits and vegetables like celery, apples, bananas, mangos, kale, etc. and meat including fresh chicken, beef, pork , real food is whole grain breads and cereals like grape nuts, and, real, aged cheeses.

NOT FOOD: Potato chips, pastries, frozen entrees, chicken nuggets, individually wrapped cheese, fast food (nearly all!), canned entries, almost everything that is sold in a box, and nearly anything labeled good for you or low in fat/sugar!

Eating clean should be a long term goal, it should mean that you’re trying to make a long-lasting change to your diet for health’s sake. You can do it!!